Sportsheets Under The Bed Restraint System

Sportsheets Under The Bed Restraint System

Sportsheets Under The Bed Restraint System

“Do you want to tie me down…?”

I’ve learned that when Dradyn asks me this, with his face lit up in a playful grin, he’s actually begging me to strap him into these restraints and have my way with him.

Despite looking a little intimidating out of the box as an unwieldy mass of nylon straps, the Under The Bed Restraint System is simple to figure out. I managed to wrestle the thing into place under my mattress without much difficulty. My mattress sits freely on a platform bed frame, so I was worried the straps might slip around, but these stay in place without a problem. If you’re not completely lazy like me (or need to be discreet) and want to hide the cuffs away when not in use, they easily tuck under the mattress, leaving no trace of their existence. Dradyn and I use these often enough that I usually just shove them next to the bed frame afterward (I’m classy like that).

The cuffs are very soft to the touch; the fabric feels like a mix between faux fur and felt. I can’t imagine more comfortable restraints than these. They are secured to wrists and ankles with a long velcro strip, which makes quick work of either tying down or releasing your partner, and also allows for adjustment to achieve the perfect fit.

The sewing and velcro are strong, and aren’t showing any signs of strain after plenty of use. These will fit well on almost any wrist or ankle: Dradyn’s a big guy who doesn’t even really fit on my bed, and I’m tiny with wrists like twigs. Allowing for 1.5″ of velcro overlap to close, the max cuff circumference is 13.5″, as the cuffs measure 15″ long. Nothing (cuffs, straps, or boyfriend) slips out of place during play, even when only binding the wrists. To be honest, the only downside I can think of is that the sound of velcro ripping apart isn’t exactly what I’d call “erotic.”

This system is perfect for bed frames that don’t have any legs, posts, or other features suitable for tying someone spread-eagle. The nylon straps are easy to shorten or lengthen to meet your specific needs, and are adjustable to fit any size mattress. Another advantage is portability: it doesn’t require very much space to pack for travel, and is easy to install and remove.

If you’re in search of a solution for light bondage play that is easy to use, comfortable, and discreet, I can’t recommend the Under The Bed Restraint System enough. It rocks!

Tickle His Pickle

Tickle His Pickle

Tickle His Pickle

I love instructional sex books, since I am always eager to further improve my skills at giving my partner pleasure. I wasn’t ready to lose my virginity until college, so I spent plenty of time on the internet in my younger years, soaking up all the information and tips I could find on how to give the best handjobs and blowjobs. I think it’s common for people to discount the value of sex books, believing they are only for clueless souls who can’t figure out how to insert part A into part B. There are some great books out there, however, and there’s nothing shameful about making an honest effort to learn how to be even more amazing in bed!

Tickle His Pickle: Your Hands-On Guide To Penis Pleasing” by Sadie Allison is clearly written for a cis female audience, which isn’t surprising for this genre. She briefly addresses gay people as being potential readers in the foreward, but the book never again acknowledges this audience… which is a bummer, since most of the ideas and info presented are applicable to people of any sexual preference who want some penis pleasuring know-how.

The book may be small, but the content is very thorough, and includes topics such as foreplay, male anatomy, handjobs, blowjobs, shaving, anal play, and what to do if he can’t get an erection or comes too fast. Subjects such as anatomy are explained in an easy-to-read way that is informative without being dull and clinical. The illustrations are black and white, and despite being on the cartoonish side, are reasonably clear at demonstrating the described techniques.

The handjob and blowjob chapters are detailed, and give step-by-step instructions on how to give one from start to finish, as well as describing quite a few tips and techniques: ways to hold and move your hand, flick your tongue, massage his balls, ease into deep throating, and more. There are FAQ sections that answer all your burning questions such as “What if I gag?”, “What if he wants me to swallow?”, “What if he’s pierced?”, and “What if he’s HUGE?”

I really like how she suggests some actual ideas for using vibrators and other sex toys on men, rather than just vaguely mentioning toys as a possibility. There’s even a whole chapter on how to trim and shave his pubic hair. Thoughts on how to bring up anal play are included, as well as a kegel exercise routine for guys. Chapters are divided up well to allow for skimming and skipping around.

There are a few parts here and there that I found somewhat objectionable, such as the rather blatant gender-stereotyping (men are obsessed with sports, women are anti-porn), and I firmly believe that “brie-like” should never again be used as a way to describe the taste of semen (*shudder*). I found it obnoxious to include the quote “he’ll jump for joy at the chance to skip those sensation-dulling condoms” in the handjob chapter, which felt especially misguided since the book sings the praises of condoms and practicing safe sex many times in other sections.

The drawbacks are fairly minimal, however, and overall I think this book is fantastic for anyone who is on an active quest to better please the penises in their life. It is engaging, and provides extensive information and plenty of good suggestions to try. I hope others will find “Tickle His Pickle” to be as thorough, fun to read, and useful as I did!

Fun Factory Little Dolly

Fun Factory Little Dolly

Fun Factory Little Dolly

Awww. What could be sweeter than a small, cute, cotton-candy pink dolphin shaped vibe? I mean, look at this thing. It’s smiling.

This is a pretty nice toy with a moderate range of power. Those who crave intense vibrations will probably want to punch off its charming little face, but this one is an good choice for the more sensitive crowd (and especially anyone who finds even the lowest setting on other vibes to be a bit much).

The Little Dolly has several levels of steady vibration, and three pulse settings of increasing speed, which feel smooth, like rhythmic waves.  The lowest possible vibration is extremely mild and barely noticeable. This vibe is pretty quiet, even on the highest settings, and is waterproof. It comes packaged with a sample of water-based “Toyfluid” lube, which contains glycerin as well as other ingredients I avoid.

The silicone surface is soft and smooth to the touch, without a lot of drag. The pinpoint dolphin nose (beak?) is marketed for G-spot stimulation, but I didn’t particularly like the narrow poking feeling on my G-spot, and penetration proved to be pretty shallow due to the toy’s small size. I found that for me, the Little Dolly felt a lot nicer with its scooping dolphin neck nestling right in place to simultaneously caress both my labia and clit.

This is a decent beginner vibrator, due to the moderate speeds, pulse settings, fun and somewhat discreet shape and size, and reasonable price tag for a quality silicone toy. Plus, it’s just freakin’ adorable.

Cal Exotics Turbo Glider

California Exotic Novelties Turbo Glider

Cal Exotics Turbo Glider

My feelings are mixed about the Turbo Glider. We eye each other with a narrowed gaze of suspicion. Our Facebook relationship says “it’s complicated”.

To be honest, the Turbo Glider isn’t a terrible vibrator. It is, in ways, a decent one. But I just can’t forgive it for making me believe for YEARS that I didn’t like sex toys.

This was the first vibrator I ever bought, during my first year of college. With my very limited art student budget, I eagerly browsed the Good Vibrations online store. Oh, the choices! Vibrators shaped like rubber duckies! Giant realistic dongs complete with bulging veins! After hours of gleeful shopping and careful comparison, I finally settled on the Turbo Glider. Impatiently, I awaited its arrival.

Unfortunately, as much as I wanted to like my new toy, I hated it with a fiery passion. The lowest setting felt so intense, it made me want to punch someone in the face. “People actually like this?!” I thought to myself. Penetration was also out of the question… as a virgin, the unergonomic stick-straight design and hard plastic material brought only immense pain and frustration, not to mention the unappealing feeling of the shaft’s lumpy bumpies poking out in all the wrong places. After several more increasingly enraging sessions with this thing, I finally gave up and came to the depressing conclusion that sex toys just weren’t for me.

Thankfully, things are much different now that I’ve found sex toys that I do like. My taste in features has broadened, and I can handle a lot stronger vibrations. Still, this vibe remains almost completely unused, buried and ignored in the back of my drawer.

I recommend choosing this vibrator if you:

  • Fantasize about having your lady bits assaulted by a jackhammer
  • Prefer phalli with hard nubby texture around the shaft
  • Desire to be burdened with bitter, spiteful emotions

If you like very powerful surface-level vibrations, this could be the vibe for you. The motor can be seen whirring around in the head, which is kind of neat, and the speed is controlled by a dial on the base. The lowest speed emits a soft hum, while the highest speed sounds like an electric razor. It is completely waterproof and takes two AA batteries. The Easy Glider version of the vibe has a slightly different shape without the little bumps on the shaft.

If I discovered someone brand new to the world of toys reaching for this one, I’d selflessly dive in front of them, arms flailing, mouth howling a passionate “NOOOooooo”, and attempt to wave them towards a reasonably priced silicone vibe. That said, I wouldn’t label this toy as a spawn of Satan that should be avoided at all costs. It’s inexpensive, powerful, durable, and waterproof.

I just hate its stupid little mechanical guts for keeping me away from other toys for so long.

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