I hate to sound like a cocky bastard when it comes to my sexual skills, but I must admit I’ve received a staggering wave of compliments on my blowjobs from those who have received one. I’ve observed my partners post-orgasm, staring at me incredulously like I’m some kind of Penis Wizard. I’ve witnessed partners brag to others about how I can suck their dick like nobody’s business. I’ve had partners tell me to my face that I rank supreme in oral sex compared to anyone else they’ve ever been with.
So I have to imagine this means that I must be doing something right.
I wasn’t ready to have penis-in-vagina sex until I was 19 and in college, and so I spent an insane of time during my high school years conducting lots of internet research: how to be the best at kissing, how to give the best blowjob, how to give the best handjob… how to be sexy and sensual and erotic and hot as hell. And I did a lot of research. Because I love pleasuring my partners, watching them writhe and moan in ecstasy… and I wanted to be really good in bed. And honestly, I really do love giving head. After years of practice and experimentation, I have developed my own personal blowjob style.
Am I getting rave reviews because I’m really good at going down, or is it because penises are often fairly easy to please? I’m not really sure, but since more than one person has told me they “had no idea oral sex could feel this good”, I will attempt to divulge all my so-called secrets so that you can try them for yourself.
Because it’s pretty damn satisfying to be informed that you just gave your partner the most amazing blowjob they’ve ever had in their life.
Why are they called “blowjobs” when you don’t actually blow? Perhaps it’s because “suckjobs” sounds pretty terrible. Whatever the reason, use your mouth to suck on your partner’s penis. Avoid intense sucking like you’re trying to get that last drop of Triple Chocolate Malt milkshake out of a straw – instead suck sensually, slowly, and rhythmically, like you’re savoring a round piece of hard candy in your mouth, trying to make it last as long as possible.
Use your tongue
As you begin, tease and arouse your partner by using a flat tongue to lick slowly from the very base of the penis, up the shaft all the way to the tip. Sometimes I’ll also do this mid-blowjob when my jaw is tired and I need a quick break. You can also lick in long strokes anywhere and everywhere along the shaft, whenever you need a break, or if you want to add some variety in sensation.
When your partner’s penis is in your mouth, lick while you suck – move your tongue up and down over the frenulum while you suck on the head of the penis. Use the rhythm of sucking to guide the movements of your lips and tongue over the penis. The majority of the time, keep your tongue flat against the shaft for maximum area of contact, but you can occasionally use a pointed tongue just to tease here and there. From what I’ve found, the longer strokes you can lick, and the more firmly you can press your tongue against the penis, the better.
Also, use your tongue to create suction while licking! To see what I mean: open your mouth, stick your tongue out slightly and make it flat, then place the pad of your thumb in the middle. Curl your tongue a bit around your thumbpad, and attempt create suction against your thumb using only your tongue – can you do it? When your partner’s penis is in your mouth, try this suction technique while using your tongue to stroke the underside of the shaft.
Learning to use your tongue well while you are sucking is probably the #1 most important thing to master to achieve Bad-Ass status and blow your partner’s fucking MIND.
No need to bounce your head up and down the entire time
a.k.a. Tips & Techniques for Lazy People Like Me
a.k.a. So far, my laziness seems to be working out pretty well?
I hate bouncing my head up and down while giving a blowjob. I’m just too lazy for that, plus the head bouncing thing hurts my neck and makes me tired and cranky. Besides, I can’t do my signature sucking and tongue things very well if I’m simply pretending my mouth is a masturbation sleeve – and I’m pretty sure my signature sucking and tongue things are the reason people tend to just lose their minds when I’ve got their dick in my mouth.
For most of the blowjob, I have the head of the penis plus a little more in my mouth, and I only very occasionally slide my lips up over the head. The head of the penis tends to be very sensitive, which can feel overwhelming pretty quick to some people. Instead I focus on using my lips to stroke the area just below the corona, and using my tongue to stroke on and below the frenulum.
I’ll generally do a bit of the headbanging here and there, but most of the time my movements are more subtle. My head nods more than thrusts, and I use my tongue, lips, and hand to stroke the rest of the shaft instead.
Which brings me to…
Use your hand
With your partner’s penis in your mouth, wrap your hand around the rest of the shaft to stroke up and down, from the base of the penis up to where your mouth is. Keep the shaft lubed up so you can stroke freely. You can pump the shaft quickly with your hand if your partner prefers faster movements, to get the faster speed without having to thrust your whole head.
Putting all the above together completes my full blowjob technique: Stroke the shaft with one hand, while rhythmically sucking the head plus a little more with your mouth, and using your flat tongue to glide up and down, over and right below the frenulum in time with the rhythm of your sucking.
If you can multitask all that and want to take it to the next level, try using your other hand as well. Experiment to see what your partner likes; I’ve had some partners who go wild when I gently run my fingers up and down both sides of their scrotum, and I’ve had partners who can’t get enough when I stroke their perineum. Alternatively, try running your free hand along their legs or torso, or if your partner’s penis is long, use both hands on the shaft while you suck!
Whenever your mouth is tired and you need a break, use your hand to stroke the whole shaft while you give your jaw a rest. Use this handjob interlude to ask your partner how they are feeling, talk dirty to them, kiss their stomach and legs, lick around the base of their penis, or just breathe and moan with your lips close to their body. Or just enjoy the moment; don’t feel pressured to be doing something mind-blowing every single second.
Salivate, a lot
This makes for easy gliding. You can use bottled lube if you prefer1 (simple and quick, especially if this trick sounds gross and you would rather not drool everywhere) but I’m a freak and I like to just keep drooling uncontrollably and making a giant mess (use a Liberator Throe if you want to avoid the dreaded wet spot on your sheets). However you do it, keeping things constantly wet makes everything a whole lot easier.
Something sexy to try: Work up a good bit of spit, then slide your partner’s penis out of your mouth, leaving your lips parted and your very wet tongue slightly out. Then pull back slowly, letting a string of saliva drip over their cock for a pretty hot visual.
Don’t worry about making weird slurpy noises
Giving good head is a noisy operation and all the sucking is bound to make loud weird slurp sounds on occasion. It’s natural and nothing to be mortified about, and chances are the slurpy sounds will only turn on your partner more.
You can even use slurping sounds to your advantage if you are giving head to a dildo in a strap-on harness – since my girlfriend doesn’t feel the same physical sensations from a dildo, a lot of her pleasure comes from the visuals and the sounds I make when giving her a blowjob.
If your partner gives you a bad time about the noises you make while you’re blowing them, then I’m #sorrynotsorry but that person really does not deserve to have your mouth on their penis.
Not the whole time, but every now and then, if you feel like it. Sometimes I just can’t help myself. I also like to use moaning as a way to show my partner that I am enjoying it as much as they are. It’s just sexy all around.
You don’t have to deep-throat to be good
I gag pretty damn easily. I have exactly zero desire to deep-throat, so I don’t even try. Kudos to those who do it and love to, but if I can give stellar blowjobs without deep-throating, so can you.
You don’t have swallow to be good
You don’t ever have to swallow if you don’t want to. I’ll swallow my partner’s come on the rare occasion if I feel like it, but generally I hate swallowing (it tends to make me gag). Instead, I personally enjoy feeling my partner ejaculate in my mouth, and then I let their come dribble out and down their shaft and allow it to make a mess everywhere2.
Do whatever you’re comfortable with, and feel confident about it. If your partner tries to make you feel bad about not wanting to swallow, or gets upset if you don’t want them to come in your mouth, they are not a worthy sex partner. Know your limits and stick to them; no matter what they are, you still can be sexy as hell and amazing in bed.
Pay attention to your partner
It seems like a given, but take this one to heart (besides, this applies to any sexual activity). You can read all the tips & tricks in the world, but your partner is not a robot – the best blowjob of their life can’t be attained by administering a pre-programmed routine. Something that works for one person might not work for another person, so make sure to watch and listen to your partner to figure out what they do and don’t like.
Also, don’t be afraid to ask if they like what you’re doing – if I feel like I need to check in with my partner verbally, I’ll pause just to gaze up and ask, “Good?” or “You like that?” If they nod or moan back their approval, I’ll dive right back in.
Bonus tip: Watch your partner whenever they masturbate in front of you – it can give you clues on how best they like their penis handled. Do they stroke their whole shaft, or just toward the head? How fast do they move their hand? How tightly do they grip their penis? Log this info away in your brain and use it to tune your oral techniques to their liking.
Enjoy doing it
You are never obligated to do something sexual that you do not want to do. Not ever.
When you really do enjoy giving blowjobs, however, it shows; your partner can tell, and it is seriously hot. I really do love going down on a penis – it turns me on to give my partner so much pleasure, especially when I know I am good at it. When you love to do it, your enthusiasm will turn on your partner, and you will find it easy to improve your skills and tailor your techniques to those your partner likes best.
Try my suggestions because you want to, and go down on your partner because you like it. If you absolutely despise giving head, don’t sweat it – find other things to do together that you enjoy.
But if you love it? Then I hope my suggestions help you give your partners the most amazing blowjob they’ve ever had in their life.
Pictured in the Penis Anatomy photo is my beloved VixSkin Mustang, a wonderfully squishy, detailed dual-density silicone dildo by Vixen Creations. Get this glorious toy from SheVibe to practice your blowjob skills, or to use on yourself or someone else!
- Plain lube works fine if it doesn’t have a weird or bitter taste (Sliquid H2O is perfect) or try flavored lube if you like… I am a fan of Sliquid Swirl Cherry Vanilla – it tastes like marzipan to me [↩]
- I’ll admit I have a fetish for seeing and feeling my partner come absolutely everywhere in a giant mess [↩]