Revive Ener G by Blush Novelties is a rechargeable curved G-spotting vibrator in smooth, glorious, yellow-lime silicone. When you turn the toy on, the buttons light up in an ominous red glow, as if warning your genitals to brace for what’s to come. There are a whopping two speeds1, and the vibrations are weird and loud – an unsettling mixture of rumbly-slash-buzziness, which is due to the dual motors: one motor in the handle, and another in the head of the toy.
I must admit I really love the overall shape of the Revive Ener G. The round contoured end is very pleasing internally, nudging perfectly up against my G-spot, and the more narrow neck of the toy fits snugly within the opening of my vagina. Clamping down on this toy with my vaginal muscles pulls the pronounced head more into my G-spot – or even better, my A-spot – in a satisfying way.
Once you turn on the vibe, however… prepare your clit for torture (and not the sexy kind), if you plan to use this toy externally. When used internally, the strange rumbly-slash-buzzy vibrations aren’t much more than just tolerable. I can’t find any way in which the dual motors do more than simply generate awkwardness; the sensations are confusing and numbing, and continue straight into your palm – where the second motor is located. The shape may feel great for my G-spot, but there’s no way I can recommend a vibrator that I prefer using turned off.
Ohm Karma is a petite battery-operated vibe with a swirling texture and beautiful mint color. Like the Revive Ener G, this toy’s silicone is also very smooth and silky to the touch. The swirly texture by itself feels nice against my vulva, but the first time I pushed the button, I wondered whether I had successfully turned the vibe on… or whether my vulva was just stifling a laugh. Ohm Karma features five speeds: mega-low, ultra-low, super-low, very low, and mind-numbingly low.
Unsurprisingly, Ohm Karma’s vibrations are very buzzy and unsatisfying, and weaker than a watered-down cocktail at an overpriced hipster bar – this toy is basically an insult to my clitoris. I managed to force myself to come using this vibe, and felt physically robbed while I rode the microscopic ripples of the most pathetic and ruined orgasm of my life.
Revive Ener G and Ohm Karma are on the right path to being good toys. For both vibrators, the silicone feels high-quality, the shape is great, and the unique colors are brilliant. But like beautiful chocolate Easter bunnies that turn out to be hollow, these great-on-the-outside vibes are stuffed with sad little motors on par with those of wind-up trinkets.
The sad part is that this is exactly what I expected from Blush Novelties – a company that manufactures boatloads of cheap toys made from porous, questionable materials, as well as blatant knockoffs of designs by other companies. Ohm Karma may be inexpensive when compared to high-end vibes, but it is definitely not worth the price. And with an $84 MSRP according to Blush’s website, Revive Ener G deserves to spend the weekend in the Box of Shame.
I had really hoped Blush could surprise me with something new and worth recommending out of their vast catalog of poor-quality sex toys. I’m not angry or upset; I’m just… disappointed. These “luxury” lines of silicone toys are akin to the salad menu at McDonald’s – who are you trying to fool?
You could do better, Blush Novelties, but I’m sure you never will.
This toy was sent to me courtesy of Blush Novelties in exchange for an honest and thoughtful review.
- and five pulse patterns… but who cares? No one. No one cares. [↩]